Day 105 of My New Life!

Wow! It's hard to believe it, but today marks 105 days since something snapped in me and I got serious about getting healthy. I'm really proud that I have made it this far, and am really happy with the progress I've made! So, I thought I'd discuss a bit how I feel about my journey thus far.

Saying things were hard when I first started watching my portion sizes, counting calories, and exercising is an understatement! It was (and still is) physically and emotionally painful! At first I was walking for a few minutes at a time and hating how I couldn't breathe and how I hurt. Now I am doing the 30 day squat challenge and  running over a mile, feeling the burn. Upper body strength training is kicking my butt. Running has become my passion. Physically, all of these things hurt but now the pain is the good kind. It's the kind of  pain that reminds me that I am living, that I am moving my body, that I am getting healthier and pushing my limits! A few months ago, the pain was intense, potassium deficiency muscle cramping, and weakness.

I quit drinking Mountain Dew cold turkey, and had withdrawals. I gave up the sugar in my coffee and started measuring out my creamer. I started saying no to the bad foods I had become dependent on.

These changes were not just physically painful, but emotional as well. I felt deprived, angry, sad, and just all around miserable. I cried. I yelled. I felt like quitting. I wanted to quit. I remember two weeks in I had a massive emotional breakdown when I got about 5 minutes into my walk and I sat on the back steps just bawling my eyes out. My husband sat with me and held me begging me not to quit and telling me how proud he was of me for doing what I had done so far. I did not feel better.

Finally I got up and started walking again, crying the whole time.

When I went inside I drank some water and disappeared into the bathroom to cry some more.

Some days I look at myself in the mirror and see myself as I was when I started, the 36 pounds I have lost still staring back at me. I "know" I've lost the weight. I've had clothes fall off of me. My husband has been measuring me every two weeks and I see the inches lost. I just feel so much more fit and thin that it is like a slap in the face when I see pictures of myself or see myself in the mirror.

Then there are days that I feel beautiful, healthy and more like my old self. I feel more confident and like I can do anything! I'm so proud and happy with what I have accomplished! In less than 105 days I have:

• Dropped several clothing sizes
• Went down a shoe size
• Walked/ran my first 5K
• Put my wedding ring on for the first time in years
• Ran a mile straight through
• Did 60 squats in a row
• Did 2 whole "real" push ups
• Overcame my Mountain Dew and sugar dependency
• Actually went into a gym for the first time in over a decade
• Started drinking regular, plain water
• Gained more energy
• Claimed control over food.

I'd say that's a pretty good list of positives that have occurred in such a short amount of time! However I have down days where I feel like I'm not pushing hard enough, not accomplishing my goals fast enough, or just feel frustrated. There are days where I retain water (like this morning from to much sodium yesterday). My "time of the month" causes water retention as well. I know it happens, but it still find myself getting upset about it. When I have one of "those" days, I forget about all the great things I have accomplished.

Weight loss is an emotional roller coaster. No one prepared me for that. No one said, "Look, there will be days when you will cry. There will be days when you will be angry. And there will be days where you will feel like you can accomplish anything." No one told me I would become so much more aware of my body, or how I look. No one told me the emotional highs and lows I would experience. No one told me I would not only have a fear of failure but also a fear of success.

My reason for this blog post is simple: I want others to know the emotional ride is normal. The important thing is that when you feel low, you don't give up.

You are not alone. Feeling overwhelmed, emotionally charged and/or drained, happy or sad...it's going to happen. The easy thing to do when you get hit with the first emotional wave is to quit. throw in the towel and walk away. You can't. You ARE stronger than that. I WAS and still AM stronger than that. As much as you hurt physically and emotionally you need to press on. And you need to know that the waves will continue to crash against you, sometimes they will be the gentle waves of happiness and acceptance and other times they will be angry, aggressive waves that will knock you off of your feet and attempt to drag you out to sea.


From Google Images